How to Not Fail at Strap On Sex

You’ve got your harness. You’ve got a shiny new cock to go with it. And after the initial apprehension that there's now several more usable inches to you than there was before, you’re raring to go. Here’s how to not fall at the first hurdle.

1. Know the toy

If you’ve purchased a toy specifically for strap on play, and you haven’t used it before, be it on yourself or anyone else- it would be a good idea to road test it. Before you try and fuck someone else with it, get to understand the weight and shape yourself. This might seem unnecessary if you assume all dildo’s have a similar shape and function, but the feel of them can vary hugely depending on the material they’re made from, let alone the design. Try it out on yourself or use it with your partner initially just handheld for more control- helping you both become more comfortable before you strap it on. Once you go hands-free, you will then have a better idea of what they are feeling before you go to town.

2. Listen to your partner

Unfortunately, your new buddy is not equip with nerve endings. It can’t tell you how tight someone is or how lubricated they are- be it naturally or otherwise. So pay attention to any instruction your partner gives and keep in mind, if they feel you are enjoying yourself, they might prioritise your pleasure over their own. Ask questions, make sure they are at ease and before long you’ll know exactly what works and what doesn’t. It’s important to focus on what feels good for them rather than what you feel you should be doing. You can’t feel it. They can.

3. Get a harness that you’re happy with

If you feel good, you fuck good. No debate. There are a number of styles of harness to choose from and different things work for different people. The most obvious choice is the adjustable variety as it can accommodate you regardless of your body shape- but these aren’t necessarily the most flattering and pulled tight enough to be secure, can cause pinching and spillage where you might not prefer it. I’m talking muffin top, ladies. It might be trial and error but find something you’re comfortable in, that makes you feel sexy. Nothing worse than trying to fuck someone when you feel like a sack of potatoes.

4. Use a suitable attachment

Look. It might be tempting to opt for some Herculean dong when you’ve decided you’re gonna strap up, but chill out. It’s not wise or clever and certainly won’t feel good for anyone if you can’t handle the damn thing. With no pleasure sensors to spur on pace and depth, it’s already physically taxing to ask your body to thrust in such a way it isn’t naturally compelled to (trust me though, this feeling will be short lived,) so don’t try and add too much weight to the front of you from the get go. Also, be sure that the base of your toy is suitable for strap on play- you will need a toy with a flared base but beware. Many toys will say ‘compatible with strap on harnesses,’or similar- but this means nothing if the base is too small for the o-ring of your harness. Toys with a suction cup base will often claim to be suitable for strap on play, but the suction cup feature requires a more flexible silicone- often making the base flimsy and likely to fall through the o-ring. Nothing sexier than your dick detaching, people.

5. All of the lube. I’m serious.

Let’s not beat around the bush, here. Regardless of how lubricated a person may be, repeated insertion from a silicone object at semi rapid pace will require them to be wetter than you may feel necessary to start. Again, this goes back to the fact that you can’t feel your partner from the inside with this thing so unless they tell you or you pull out to check, you won’t know if they need more lube to be comfortable. Keep the bottle nearby, check in with your partner be it verbally or using fingers, and slick up frequently to avoid discomfort.

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